Toy Soldier

Must be the time of chaos again in the year, when the roller-coaster begins again...

Toy soldiers, perhaps you've been wondering why this title. Have you ever felt like you were being treated like a toy? That the person can completely disregard your emotions but play on your weakness the way she/he feels. That when she/he fights for you to come back, you'll fall back into their arms smiling knowing you'll most likely be torn to tears soon. You struggle to leave and treat her/him how you would otherwise treat others that showed the same amount of disrespect or hatred with the pride you have, fighting yourself to throw it all away and hoping she/he'll see it, but she/he misinterprets you, misunderstand and continues to pull you apart. 

When the moments of test arrives, she/he can discard you like you were nothing more but a backstabbing friend that didn't deserve a second look.

A mistreated toy, old, unwanted and though it's carried years of memories, the beauties gone. New ones can easily be found to replace what was once cherished...

Just a piece of thought... 

Hustling through the half yearly exams has really drained my energy away...

My results has been disastrous except it was expected, thankfully I've had some great supports from mates that assure me I will be getting a good mark and assist me till the end of the year. Its somewhat relieving but knowing this is also pressure, to not disappoint them at the end.

I'm excited to find out how my final year will turn out, but I'm dreading the results, knowing I'd most likely be disappointed with the results. However, time isn't within my control, so guess I'll just attempt to make the most out of the time remaining, let go and forgive myself for making mistakes.

Maths has been my ultimate disappointment so far, and I'm sure there many other subjects to follow, but none I have to deal with yet. It's quite depressing to the point I don't even want to think about it. Teacher's a hag too. 

Exams results are so unpredictable, the exams I was distraught about didn't turn out quite as bad as the one I felt more confident in.

Through this experience I suppose that I learnt to forget the exam completely until results are out, even then there is no point of feeling shit, even though its inevitable at times. The attitude to deal with this is to just learn from experience and mistakes and work to improve the situation.

...and like they say "Every cloud has a silver lining"

So in every bad situation, we can choose to see the positive light of situations. 

Family situation was intense during my preparation of half yearly and my failure to manage this trauma resulted in a diverted concentration and loss of motivation. Instead of placing studies as my top priority, I didn't know what my top priority was anymore. 

Lover and friends just don't stop the dramas in my life. 

They fail to realize the LAST thing I need is drama and chaos, so I'll be avoiding potential problems and issues.

Besides the frustrations I've been dealing with the past month, I have stopped dancing and been more school oriented, studying and reflecting. So far the only highlight I've had this week was a photo-shoot, which later resulted in some ethical issues regarding the outfit. Again, there are many things in life that cannot be justified completely. So I'll leave thee with a quote 

"For there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so" - Shakespeare

I really want to focus on my work and do well in these last remainder 6 months. There are many great things planned that awaits in the months to come, and I can't wait.

I'll be updating again soon,

Cynthia