Holidays Week 1 Day 3-5

It's currently 3AM Wednesday morning. This is the time I've been sleeping for the past nights and it's the way I like it, I'm so grateful for the holidays and I love it more because knowing that I am home sleeping in whilst others are at school or that I'm not rushed to be back home early like others because I don't have school the following day just makes life for me a little better. TEEHEE
Anyways I did mention I was going to blog everyday, but because I forgot to blog yesterday I will make up for it by updating on my previous days.

Sunday, I woke up late, perhaps nearly too late, so thanks to my em gai & chi hai for giving me the wake up call to get to Kenky's Hip-Hop audition @ 3.30PM on time.
The afternoon was immensely hot and due to the closed windows and doors, the disfunctional air-conditioner, small studio and large crowd the room became suffocating. By the end of the rehearsal, only the stronger ones sustained in the heat, me being one of them x) HAHA jokes.
For people wondering who is Kenky? He is one of China's most famous dancer with an experience of 10 years at a mere young age of 23, previously a singer as well but pursued and succeeded in his career as a Street dance performer and instructor. Ok enough about him and more about me! The rehearsal was very promising but as usual, performing under pressure during the audition is nerve racking and a weakness for a amateur like moi. On the bright side, it was a good experience and there will be plenty more auditions to come. By the time the audition was completed, I was drenched, again a positive outlook would be that I had a free shower.
Reese, em gai & I decided to go grab some comfort food, ended up eating Sushi, Nandos and KFC.. nothing significant after that. I separated back home, where I took a shower and lazed around at home.

Monday, I was woken up by the loud vibrant sound of 'I really see you as my girl, cause I like you...', which happens to be my ringtone. The unknown number appeared to be my driving instructor in which I fail to recall myself making the appointment with her for a lesson in the morning, but I quickly apologized and got dressed. I was immediately welcomed into the driver seat and followed the simple procedure of buckling the seat belt, adjusting the seat, gearing and handbreaking, for some odd reason the instructor didn't really seem professional. 'Have you driven before?' was her first question, when my response were uncertain she just told me briefly about the accelerating pedal and breaking pedal and asked me to take off. The whole hour I kept getting reminded by a sudden assisting jerk of the steering wheel to the right, because I kept subconsciously drifting to the left of the road, the day was bright and warm, we drove around Fivedock and back home. Driving is quite fun, now I'm waiting for my manual lesson.
So anyways after the lesson, I found myself eating away, gaming and chilling at Siner's apartment and before I realised I have left and my day once again revolved at DK, where I decided to purchase a 2 week unlimited pass, the decision finalised the way in which I will conduct my schedule for this up coming two weeks of my holiday. After a tiring day of dancing and embarrassment during Breaking class, I was picked up and taken to eat midnight snack at Maccas and then escorted to the station where I travelled home and slept. Gosh I love my daily routine.

Tuesday, unlike the previous days, I woke up in the afternoon, had brunch with my mother and DnM'd, something I haven't had the opportunity to do in a while. After a few hour I got changed and headed out expecting the same bright and sunny weather only to find myself cursing the chilling breeze and quickening the pace with the sleeves of my shirt tightened with my hand into a fist walking to the station.
Dance class was exciting and like always I enjoyed it. I recharged my phone and made a call to him. I miss him a lot and as usual I found myself weakening before him, he still manages to reach deep inside and touches the part of me that yearns for his affection, his presence soothes the aching pain of missing him as he find that same spot that makes me feel so complete, so fulfilled and so comfortable. My heart is still with him and each fading day I find myself not loving him any less. So after all its still clear to me even though love is supposingly blind. Only difference is our conversation are not allowed to be the same, we force it to dry and intensify the awkwardness that barely ever existed between us. However, what's meant to be will be. I had quite an eventful day at DK, and highlight, I was an epic failure during the Int/Adv classes, clearly not at the standard yet but thanks to the support of Miss J (really is a a guy friend that studies Fashion Design) I managed to follow up. <3 Well it's 5am, took me a while to blog but it's because I am also half finishing the movie The Mummy 3. Which I guess will have to be completed tomorrow because I am tired. So goodnights because I will be expecting wake up calls tomorrow =[ NOOOO !

Goodnight m'dear blog readers.
Love, Cynthia

Fireworks today, WHY?

So why is there fireworks today? I was in the city and suddenly I look up and there were fireworks, and it wasn't the short ones, it went on for like 10mins. So why? I'm so confused, what day is it today? 20th September 2008? Nothing is clicking in my head. Mind you, the fireworks were quite the works, colorful & pretty. Okay, enough random rambling, even though this entry will be quite a random one because I don't really have a context to focus and talk about..
Maybe I'll focus on apologizing and explaining why I haven't been blogging? Ah wells. Just read up!

Anyways..

Love, above all things, I believe in love, love is like oxygen, love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up to where we belong, all you need is love.
- Moulin Rouge

I thought I'd share this.. Quite cute.
Reminds me of one person, he always use to annoy me with it. Now I miss it all.

I haven't had a time to blog properly or even blog at all. inc.LOVE | Part 3 | is still in the making, so I apologize for the awfully long delay.
& as you would have noticed, if not already guessed I have been super duper busy.
So sorry to all my loyal blog readers, and if you don't believe me you should really check out my room, its like a cyclone has just passed by. I would love to take a photo for you but I'm scared to look at it myself. All the stuff I have to clean. Oh dear.
BUT good news is, I'm finally on holidays, & all I've been doing is shaking my thang ;] ie. Dancing. Oh I have been eating A LOT as well, especially at Passion Flowers (Ice-cream), everyday I have ate there. I'm sure I am doing their business a big favor, but they deserve it. All should TRY GreenTea Ice-cream OR Lychee Rose Petal Ice-cream, it is a MUST and if you don't you're truly missing out on life. Okay that was a tad too dramatic.

So what I plan for this holiday of mine, I will aim to;

• Get fit and;
• get smart.

Funny.

Well, hope you're all doing well, behaving and enjoying the spring breeze with someone special. Winter and wet days are still lingering around, so don't get too excited and head out to the beach, chance is you'll probably find yourself wet before you even make it into the water! HAHA What a humour I have. x)
HAHA Okay, well I WILL be making an effort to keep this blog posted... hopefully soon.

Love,
Cynthia

Chocolate Mousse

I had the yummiest mousse today, from NANDOs. If you haven't tried it. It's recommended.
What a routine I have now, Starbucks and DanceKool. =)
Well I'm so relieved school is settling down, chilled.. been waiting for this in a while.

But still...these days have been chaotic and not everything has been going my way..
So I just feel like taking this chance to apologize to the people I've been hurting, friends, families, lover, all these times I've been selfish, careless, unaware and not giving a shit how my actions impact the way you are.
I have no harmful intention and so, I just need some understanding..
It's my misunderstandings that has caused more misunderstandings, so even though I don't think I should be responsible solely, I will take the blame.
In time I hope you will be able to let go and forgive me for my mistakes..

To the one love I've lost, in 2 days should of been a day to remember, but we no longer share it anymore.. i still miss you. Though we are no longer together, and our paths have finally separated, I will not and cannot deny that I love you, always&forever.

Some things are hard to let go and forgive, some are too painful to let go and forgive, some refuse to leave, some things return.. But everything is revolved around time.
& so I'll leave with a saying:

Time heals all wounds

Gosh how emo is this blog =__________=" tomorrow will hopefully be a happier one.

Goodnight,
Cynthia

$2 BATTLE

Ooahh $2 battle at DK was so fcukin' awesome =]
The competitors are so good, such motivation and inspiration they bring.
& I decided with my girls that I would join the next $2 Battle hosted. Goodluck to me.
Went to Pancakes at the rock today, wasn't that great =/ Don't know why. Pancakes tasted dodgy.
Oh I went to watch the movie 'In Bruges' & for those who wonder what it is & if it's good. I say..
Who the fuck cares what it is about, its like the biggest pointless movie outs. HAHA

This week is going to be a busy one I can predict. <3
& Shopping on Thursday. Long day tomorrow =[ anyways..

Keep y'all posted =D School tomorrow & I just got home, so I'm going to head back & rest.

Goodnights,
Cynthia

Make it work.

Sometimes I love you, more than you'll ever know
other times you get on my nerves
that's just reality
know it cant always be, kisses, hugs and beautiful words..

..Was dancing to this song yesterday. Now it's just stuck to my head & it reminds me of him, because every time we use to fight I would listen to this song and I knew we would make it work.
I just been asked whether I'm over him yet. Honestly, I am no where near because I still find it hard on some days to believe that we are OVER let alone moving on. I know it will take a while, but like I've always said. I don't have a direction so I'll let fate guide me around and go with the flow.

Well the rain has finally stopped, now I am waiting for the rainbow.. but it's taking it's sweet ass time.
How is everyone I wonder, so far all I've been hearing is people are sick. So for those that are sick I hope you get better soon!

Well right now, I'm cleaning my room & I shall proceed til completion.
I will keep updating this blog.

Enjoy your weekends blog readers.

taaaa ! xx
Cynthia

Aching muscles

My whole body aches. LOL I've had quite an intensive week of dancing.

What did I do today? Had an extremely long day, nearly 24 hours being awake already..
School as usual, received my Religion mark back and HELL YEAH I passed. So unexpected.
AUS Beijin Olympic 2008 gold medalist, silver medalist & bronze medalist for water sports came to our assembly, and yeah they graduated from MLC originally. HAHA quite awesome. Then walked from school back home, by then I was soaked head to know, my hair looked like I just got out of the shower, then I had an argument with mum cause I haven't been attending TAFE & yeah but it's such a waste of time =[ then went out dancing, caught up with some girlfriends. Then got picked up from DK & we went across the road for dinner at a Korean restaurant, but nothing beats Céci. Then the 5 of us decided to go eat dessert and took the bus to Max Brenner =) He ordered a fondue dip for two, so yum & yeah then the whole time since I was walking back home from school it never stopped raining.. =[ gay huhs.
But then we decided to all split up & I spent 2 hours walking around city in the pouring rain with [=. Windy, cold, wet but enjoyable. Then I went to Pymont to find my cousin to get back my jumper I left with him last year LOL. & Gosh I love his apartment! HAHA
Anyways so then I decided to head home afterwards, but Townhall station was CLOSED, and so the smart one decided to hail a taxi to Central station, yeah the asian taxi driver was like =______= and so racist, saying "Because we the same, chinese.. I take you to station otherwise if you were some Aussie I lock the door and drive away" LOL like wtf was I meant to say so I said "Yeah we the same, so THANKS"
LOL funny driver. Anyways then on the way back home it was STILL raining.. *sighs* & yeah was pretty soaked. But dw ALL dried now.

NB: Some content are excluded for some unquestionable reason. So please do not ask. =)

So yeah, update bout him. Haven't contacted each other since two days ago..
Then I went onto his FaceBook, and it seems he's been saying some negative shit about me to his friend, " is someone having a bitch again?!?!?
who you talking bout fool?!?! sounds like a real effing bitch aye! wdf how could she do that to you?! blahahah" Yeah. Direct quote. Quite depressing. Ah wells & all the clubbing photos, girls, I guess just angers me and gives me a more meaningful reason to let go. Don't wish to, but he leaves me with no choice, unless I choose to stick around and get hurt. Fuck that, I'm done getting hurt and I know so is he. Well if we were meant to be we'll find out ways back into each others arm with open heart OR each other's heart with open arms. Same shit. LOL
Otherwise perhaps in our next life, things could work out differently. So I give this love I've shared with him over these years my tender words I speak with sincerity.
I love you Ivan Tan.. Whether you're my love or my fate...

Now I bed & stop being emo about the case of the EX la.
Goodnights,
Cynthia

Stitch <3

I love stitch for one reason, cos it makes me think of him..
Oh wait maybe two, he is quite a cute little thing =D
=[ I miss him la, his voice & his impersonation of stitch!
It's so fucking cute & noone can do it as well as him..
Anyways you know those machine thing with the claws & soft toy.. Well I went to play that & spend like $30 on it.. I had my eyes set on Stitch, don't know why just for some reason I really wanted it.. or maybe because it just reminds me of him <3 Where he go? I don't know.. We haven't spoke at all today =[ Ah wells. Ooh I also got this MINI Hello Kitty toy, fuck that was worth more than the stitch.. stupid machines eat up all my money.. maybe my skills are still noob? LOL Well now that I finally got my STITCH after 2 days worth of work I am content.

Well I am extremely tired, should of blogged earlier but was watching Harold & Kumar II .
Funny movies, like the first 20mins of it is biggest crackup =]
But yeah long day ahead tomorrow, full day school, tutoring, dancing, dinner, movies, sleeping, shopping? I don't know .. Just trying to sound busy.. xD LOL

But yeah give a proper update of blogs & for those who are still hussling me to write chapter3, i will find time to complete it =] stay tuned.

Gnights & lots of LOVE,
Cynthia

Off the HOOK

Today school was dodgy, I should be writing my English Oral speech now, before I KO.
But I have to be loyal to my blog readers. LOL
Anyways so I brought a red STUSSY shirt quite a nice one too & good price.
I'm like so into red at the moment, wore a red Burberry jumper =) .
Anyways nothing too interesting today =D Got photos with NachoPOP & SugaPOP now..
YAYAAAAAH ! Dancing is OFF the HOOK!
Well sorry but going to keep this sort tonight .

Let's spice up the blog with something everyone should have already read..
Well I sympathize with any girls that have to go threw this <3 I say don't tolerate this shit.
Don't take it to heart though, just an interesting read.

If you dress nicely, he says you're a snob.
If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut.
If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.
If you're quiet, he says you're stupid.
If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy.
If he calls you, he says you should be grateful.
If you don't love him, he'll try to win you.
If you love him, he'll leave you.
If you don't fuck him, he'll say you don't love him.
If you do, he'll say you're easy.
If you tell him your problems, he'll say you're irritating.
If you don’t, he'll say you don't trust him.
If you lecture him, he'll say you're bitchy.
If he lectures you, it's because he "cares".
If you break a promise, you can't be trusted.
If he breaks it, he had to.
If you cheat, he'll expect it to be over.
If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance either way.

PEACE OUT, A-TOWN!
Cynthia

Oral TomOral . BLEH !

Ya know how I met SugaPop yesterday I realized today that I also met NachoPop yesterday HAAAAAAA. & if you still don't know him THEN tsktsk ! LOL Cause I was taking random photos & I realized that he was in it! Omg i wanna see him again tomorrow! >=D
LALALA

So English assessment tomorrow, I'm so fucking tired. Currently 9:05pm
So my plan is I gather some energy & wake up earlier tomos . ya know at like 6:30am & DO IT !
=D haaa even though I said to myself last few times when I failed to get up to study that I would never rely on mornings to complete.. let alone start and finish an assessment. BUT I can't do it now either so .. basically I'm left with no choice! LOL

So Off I go.. to LALA land =D
Goodnight y'all !
Cynthia

Wise words .

Gotta take the good with the bad, 

smile with the sad..

love what you got and remember what you had..

Always forgive but never forget, 

learn from mistakes but never regret

people change, things go wrong

Just remember life goes on... 

First Day Of Spring

Too late to apologize? LOL Sorry blog readers who've been waiting and expecting inc.LOVE Chapter 3 by tonight, but I have been busy and the chapter is still in progress. But I will make the effort to get it posted sometime this week, so stay tuned! 

Update.

I am officially infatuated with dancing =D Can't get enough of it and what better way to get toned & fit by summer! So I am contemplating whether I should do intense dancing for the next two weeks. LOL. I met SugaPop today =D If you don't know who he is, youtube or google him! =D

Downside of today, shit morning, received my Mathematics Advance and Extension I Mathematic assessment back & unlike Jacqueline, I failed. So sad.. 

But it all evened out when I received a good mark for my Business Studies Major Research Task, but the neg. about that was.. I kinda expected higher because some people that are usually incapable of getting a high mark got 99%. LAWL. Anyways so school tomorrow, nothing too dramatic & English Oral Assessment on Wednesday and I am ABSOLUTELY C.LU-less about what I have to do. Guess I better do some research tomorrow at school! xD HAHA

Well goodnights all,

I said I was going to sleep earlier to all the people that called >.<>

Love, 

Cynthia

我门的爱 | inc.LOVE | Part III

inc.LOVE

This is written from personal experience and judgement. Hence, details of events and emotions expressed are recounted from 1st person perspective and may be inaccurate. Names mentioned are all actual people, unless requested to remain anonymous.

I decided to narrate about my first love in hope to preserve the memories; retell, remember and relive the experience just once more before I put it all behind me. In hope that I will come to revelation and learn from the events that has greatly influenced my life.

-- inc.LOVE --

Chapter Three: Establishment of Hawties #876

to be continued...

我门的爱 | inc.LOVE | Part II

inc.LOVE

This is written from personal experience and judgement. Hence, details of events and emotions expressed are recounted from 1st person perspective and may be inaccurate. Names mentioned are all actual people, unless requested to remain anonymous.

I decided to narrate about my first love in hope to preserve the memories; retell, remember and relive the experience just once more before I put it all behind me. In hope that I will come to revelation and learn from the events that has greatly influenced my life.

-- inc.LOVE --

Chapter Two: Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

He said before I left jokingly, 'make sure u miss me da most wen u go bak to sydney' but that was exactly what I did during my absence from Perth.

Sy was another person I kept as a close friend apart from Ivan, I considered the both as people I could trust and adored, by then Alan Tu had already slipped off my mind. The days back in Sydney remained quite but the occasional catch up sessions laughing about the memories of me playing Counter Strike (CS) for the first time, or the incident where Alan Tu's knife was thrown in the urinal and joking about the disguised black butterflies he noticed beneath my white shorts at the end of a busy week gave me reasons to look forward to the up coming holiday in July. He was one of those type of people, the more you knew the more you wanted to know, in time I grew to love his appealing personality. He knew how to make me laugh on days that were bad, but it was normal for friends to make each other smile, and though the conversation never lasted very long, it was enough.

It probably crossed my mind once or twice after the first trip I met him whether he was attracted to me, but nothing managed to confirm that. It first challenged me when he commented in early March referring me as 'da nicest sweetest prettiest hawtest most gorgeous of all da gurlz' and stating 'i mean all dis fingz ayz so dun fink im lyin or sum shyt lolz', of course I questioned it but soon concluded that it was just flattery words and dismissed it.

I can't exactly remember how it was phrased, but it meant that usually when a person is joking, half of what they joke is the way they feel, by expressing it in a jokingly way, it become a technique to allow articulation of one's true feeling without it becoming vulnerable.

Term 1 finished quietly. A new relationship launched with Josh English in May, just as a new term started, and ever since my conversation with him dried and became irregular.

My time was focused on the drama with the girls in school and outside that accompanied the relationship, not far down the track of the relationship with Josh, we came across an critical interception of path where he was given one chance to prove his worth and importance in my life. Disappointingly, he failed miserably and regretfully. The worst part, was he had an option to make a change, yet he stood their dumb-struck while I fell to the floor helpless.

Call it naive, inexperienced or love, but I forgave Josh and continued the relationship with faith that maybe something beautiful may develop.

Mimi was the first person that I told and I guess it was really fated how she chose to tell Ivan about the incident first. He was the second person to be informed and immediately I received a phone call from him to see whether I was okay. I still remember when I picked up the call, I was just entering the car park into my house from a piano lesson. Even though I haven't heard his voice in nearly half a year I was able to recognize it, it didn't feel foreign, never really did and it's something that has never changed in these years. The way his voice soothes and comforts my insecurities, my fears, my worries and I could hear from his tone that he was affected. He went through the trouble of finding a girl he knew in Sydney to see if she could help, though nothing instigated, I felt he treated me like his very own and I couldn't help to think what a great man he was. 

At the quite stage of the friendship, I knew if he was in any sort of difficulty or trouble I would be there for him, this proved right when I found out through friends that he had ran away from home, I instantly felt the urge to contact him and see if he was okay. I contemplated for a while before I called him, preparing for any awkwardness that might occur during an unexpected call, to my surprise, we were far from being uncomfortable and the conversation seemed like we've never stopped between us and my heart settled knowing that he was fine. 

The term ended and chaos was resolved, but more then ever I was ready to leave Sydney and escape all the troubles..

-- inc.LOVE --

我门的爱 | inc.LOVE | Part I

inc.LOVE

This is written from personal experience and judgement. Hence, details of events and emotions expressed are recounted from 1st person perspective and may be inaccurate. Names mentioned are all actual people, unless requested to remain anonymous.

I decided to narrate about my first love in hope to preserve the memories; retell, remember and relive the experience just once more before I put it all behind me. In hope that I will come to revelation and learn from the events that has greatly influenced my life.

-- inc.LOVE --

Prologue:

'Sorry to be doing this to you' he told her. She felt his sincerity, inhaled a deep breath and assured him...

'It's not your fault baby, I know if you had a choice you wouldn't leave me at all'

Early January 2006. Summer. A new year has just commenced and no one was aware of the significant impact this new beginning of the year was going to be for the future of two ordinary young people.

-- inc.LOVE --

Chapter One: [BumbOi s2 Me mOrE DeN WoRdZ]

During the Christmas holidays of January 2006, I was 14 years old and met someone I had no idea would change my life forever. He was 17 years young then. It started off as a trip to Perth, no different than any other I had been on throughout the years. I was introduced by Alan Tu and became the fresh face of Northbridge where I met him, Ivan Tan along with the other group of boys. The first day we met we spent the whole day together, observant and distant. It wasn't until we were at Cyber Net (CN) that I initiated our first conversation to a friendship that followed, suggesting him to 'add me up' on MSN. I met Ivan towards the end of my holiday and therefore our days were numbered. The one thing that has never changed.

He left me a first comment on 29th January on Hi5 mentioning 'Glad to haf met u cynthia!'

For me it wasn't love at first sight but there was something as special that left a lasting impression. He was so welcoming and he had an unavoidable aura that made me smile at his presence. At the time I met Ivan, I was crushing on Alan Tu but he never made me happy the way Ivan did and it seemed he realized, including in his first comment that I was 'alwayz smilin '. Alan never manage to make me smile nor provide me with the warmth that I desired, instead Ivan superseded. During the last few days of my trip, we grew closer and he became 'The One' that I felt a natural bond with. Soon, the day that I departed edged closer and I was left with more people to miss and farewell. I left him with a simple hug..

-- inc.LOVE --