Who am I?

True love is sacred, some find it, some don't and some live a life pretending they have found this type of love in a love that doesn't exist...

That's what's on my mind.

I don't doubt that he is an amazing person. He really is.

And after today, I don't expect anyone to understand. Not friends, nor family, not him and not even me perhaps.

He is of Filipino decent, tall, good natural build, witty, has amazing eyes that could pierce through souls, a set of thick eyebrows that framed his face. His presence gave me serenity in this chaotic life I live, peace in mind and love that created my deepest and fondest of memories. He looked after me well, doing day to day chores that seemed insignificant yet everything that makes my life the way it is.

Last night, over a senseless debate, he spoke in spite claiming that I was "...f*#king stupid" over and over again. Usually that didn't bother me, but I read his tone, his eyes and listened to his words. I took a shower and when I came back out he was asleep. I went to sleep with the thought, "Is this good enough for me that I was just settling?".

Sometimes I'm not happy, but I accept it. Does everyone feel the same way? Is this what tolerance is? Is this what love is?

How do you know the person you're with isn't JUST "good enough"? Because you see, you can always learn to love someone.

How do you know that the reason you're in this r'ship isn't because you're holding onto a past of how perfect they were? So you go day-by-day hoping to relive the perfection of them?
You live to create excuses for yourself of their imperfections?
How do you know that you actually like them and not only like the idea of them?

I understand, even the best of lovers go through doubt. But its those times that requires perseverance, a little more tenderness and love...
What if I wasn't given any of this. Is he still worth the weight? worth the time?

Am I the person he's willing to fight for or the many girls that he had let past him by?

Who am I?

Anonymous

Amazing post by an anonymous once again...

-

I used to miss you, you know.

used to hold my head in my own loose grip, reciting ammonio methacrylate copolymer, hypromellose, lactose, magnesium stearate...

at night, when the candles in our room blew out and you wouldn't let me relight them, when i stopped in the middle of the good part of every book i ever read, your fingers trailing down my sides in the half-sleep of the sin we shared together, the nights we sweat through relentlessly, the ache we felt insistently - i used to think, quietly - polyethylene glycol 400, povidone, sodium hydroxide, sorbic acid, stearyl alcohol...

and in the cold breath of morning, with the dewy coming of dawn, days after they have lowered you into the ground, after your mother has struggled silently to take in the fresh tracks dotting your arm, after your sister asks me loudly to look at what i've done, i sit with the last cigarette i will ever smoke, thinking - talc, titanium dioxide, and triacetin.

how good these words taste - all the chemicals i need to sleep away a memory, syllables as sweet as the drug they make up - as beautiful as the sound of my breaths, as painless as the shock of your passing, as gripping as the days without you, now; every one of them slow, and dark, and sad.

A Game-Changer

I found this on some random post by another random.

Inspiring... and as girls, we should give this a thought. =) Enjoy.

-

Contrary to popular belief, guys don't all look for that pretty bimbo. Sure, their eyes will linger on her physique for a while longer than others and sure, they may take her home with them but no man would want to give his heart to that stunning bimbo. Believe it or not, men do dream of love much like women do. Their desires for affection are not as openly discussed and therefore they are believed to be none existent but I assure you that this is not true. A man desire's a certain type of girl. A game-changer.

The game changer is a seemingly normal girl that a man might meet at any seemingly normal place. In a coffee shop, at school, shopping for clothes in that vintage store down the street, in your building, even at a bar. A man will often stumble upon the game-changer by chance but will know she is one as soon as he finds her. She'll captivate him immediately and he'll feel like someone has woken him up from a long slumber with a bucket of ice cold water. She'll inspire him, she'll make him grow (not change), and she'll steal his heart away in an instant. She'll make him feel stronger at times, and completely weak at others. She'll terrify him but also give him the courage to be brave. She'll make him want to be a better man; make him want to preform grand gestures out of love. And when she leaves, she'll break him as he has never been broken before. He will then either go two ways: He'll either avoid the game-changers and stick with the pretty bimbo's or he'll vow to find the game-changer that will stay with him, that will let him love her for all of eternity.

The most tragic thing about you game-changers is that you all think of yourselves as "average" when really, you are the most extraordinary creatures to walk the earth. You are beautiful because you have the ability to make someone else beautiful. You are beautiful, because you have the ability to turn a right bastard in a gentleman. You are beautiful, because you change someone's game and, in turn, the course of their life.

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Good morning dear blog readers,

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NB: The content however is rated NSFW. So please do not enter if you are not 18+ of age.

Lots of love,

Miss C

Ps. I will blog again soon, soon, soon. My life is just non-stop chaos

Passion

Dear Blog Readers,

Thank you for constantly supporting me to write, although I've realised unless there's something clouding my mind, it's actually a struggle for me to write cause I constantly side track and simply forget...

So before I do so again, let me continue...

I was recently educated by a friend that love relies on the continuous cycle defined by; Passion, Commitment and Communication. Today, I'd like to dwell into deciphering the importance of passion...

Passion [n. 'pa sh en]

An intense desire or enthusiasm for something

Strong and barely controllable emotion

Passion. It’s a force so potent we still remember it long after it’s faded away. A drive so alluring it can push us into the arms of unexpected lovers. A sensation so overwhelming, it can knock down walls we’ve built to protect our hearts. A feeling so intense, it resurfaces even when we try so hard to keep it buried. Yes, of all emotions, passion is the one that gives us a reason to live, and an excuse to commit all sorts of crimes.

“

—	Desperate Housewive

This morning I woke up, went onto Facebook and smiled at my best friend's new relationship status with the person that I knew would finally after months pop the question.

But when i looked at the new relationship, it made me wonder about mine, one year and 4 months in, what's changed?

I dwell at the unsettling feeling in my chest.

After all this time spending day and night with each other since the night we first spent together, it was no longer an easily separable relationship. But he knew better, or so he thinks, perhaps selfishly, I was only ever going to remain complimentary, perhaps a rewarding presence to his life, in turns makes me ponder whether there was someone out there that could treat me like I was the one person that needed by his side.

We use to share an fierce passion in this relationship. A flame that sparked the moment we reached for each other through the passing crowd. In those intoxicated induced trance state, it only left me a deeper memory of those brief moments, but nothing felt stronger than those moments of desire to be closer, the passion that ignited.

The lust I felt was mutual, that feeling of sexual intimacy among the tender warmth that brooded inside. The way your eyes enticed me towards you leaving me catching my own breath, hungry for your touch and kiss.

There were passion in everything we did, a heat of urge I felt to rip your clothes off and find that way to get closer to you, have to you fondle me, caress me and open the passage to connect with you at a level beyond physical sense.

One year 4 months later, my passion remains intense, the only difference is it is no longer pure lust, but love and care fused within in.

And in those dark moments of silent tears, I struggled to gain the courage to ask your reason for the lack of passion that existed towards me, fearing the worst, and when I did, you simply assured me it was because you considered the future and prioritised our schedule each day and there was usually more important things to do and that I shouldn't worry cause you still love me.

But what he didn't understand was the importance of this passion and the significance.

Sincerely,

Miss C

♥ remember that

“If she is amazing, she won’t be easy. If she is easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s real she won’t be perfect. If she’s perfect she won’t be real. If she’s worth it you won’t give up. If you give up you’re not worthy.”