'Time is gonna take my mind and carry it far away where I can fly...' Her voice trails off into the fading melody. Time. Maybe this time. It'll be worth the weight.
'Half a decade older' he would joke to his friends with his face buried in his hands as though he was embarrassed and I would simply laugh, knowing that he didn't really mean it and it wasn't a matter that concerned us. Our minds stand ambiguously on the boarder of a generation difference, but his empathetic nature permits the growth that bonds us and allows our differences to intertwine. My mind convinces that it's absurd to love someone after knowing them for a month, and maybe I don't yet, but I can only be certain of one thing and that is it would be harder to refrain from loving him.
--------- after a month in China --------
"Don't get too attached" I've heard them say to me over and over with every guy I fall for in this recent last year.
Either the guy isn't worth the weight or it was just another way of saying, 'he doesn't want a serious relationship with you', without trying to insult.
After just 3 months, my intended short infatuation has prolonged, encouraging a dwelling of emotions developing as I find a familiar comfort and security in him. More of me becomes vulnerable, as I open up to him, hoping maybe this time I won't be hurt, whether I love him yet is debatable, probably not. I like him a lot.
He is someone trustworthy, honest and possessed all the vital traits of an ideal partner/friend. Expectation has been an oblivious flaw, a subtle flaw that has costed many nights of tears and heartaches.
I feel what I want, knowing it's not good for me because those were just words and assumptions playing games with my head. Now, I want to feel nothing. To just be numb. The paucity of sensation to wash over for a moment just so I can gather and recompose myself in last night's mess.
Scurrying through my mind is the resonating voice of the one that has torn me, disappointed me. 'You've changed', he would say in anger, in hate, in pain. I must of been in denial for a while, because it's evident what's changed, I'm no longer the type of girl my type of guy would want to be with in a serious relationship with and if they did, they most definitely would not be the type of guy I want.
'No expectations, no disappointments', and if that's true than I must of expected too much.
PS. What I did get out of this was a fine lesson, fine dines & a Louis Vuitton handbag! haha
