Breathtaking

Love Deceit By Big Rube

Pleasure turns to the pain of lessons learned from the strain of the questions burned in my brain about whether love is humane in its touch
These thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream in the tears of your deceit
Fighting a current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos of our intertwined emotions
Chaotic because the anchor of Eros arrow has been plucked from the vessel of my undying infatuation
Separation not as simple as the distance between us
My mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies
The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply theyve cracked the foundation of what we once shared
Allowing the faith in us I had sealed inside to gush out like a river
Ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts as violently and as brutally as if it were a child being taken from its mothers arms
Im left surrounded in darkness but I refuse to be swallowed by it
My loneliness like night air; invisible to the eye obvious to the touch, in its cold uncomfortable ness
Yet If I could do all over again Id do it in the same skin Im in
To lay down and let love die, just stay down and let love lie
No, no, no, no, not I
Ill stay around and let love fly
Even though Ive seen its darkest form; deceit
Nothing else could tastes this warm or feel this sweet

Who am I?

True love is sacred, some find it, some don't and some live a life pretending they have found this type of love in a love that doesn't exist...

That's what's on my mind.

I don't doubt that he is an amazing person. He really is.

And after today, I don't expect anyone to understand. Not friends, nor family, not him and not even me perhaps.

He is of Filipino decent, tall, good natural build, witty, has amazing eyes that could pierce through souls, a set of thick eyebrows that framed his face. His presence gave me serenity in this chaotic life I live, peace in mind and love that created my deepest and fondest of memories. He looked after me well, doing day to day chores that seemed insignificant yet everything that makes my life the way it is.

Last night, over a senseless debate, he spoke in spite claiming that I was "...f*#king stupid" over and over again. Usually that didn't bother me, but I read his tone, his eyes and listened to his words. I took a shower and when I came back out he was asleep. I went to sleep with the thought, "Is this good enough for me that I was just settling?".

Sometimes I'm not happy, but I accept it. Does everyone feel the same way? Is this what tolerance is? Is this what love is?

How do you know the person you're with isn't JUST "good enough"? Because you see, you can always learn to love someone.

How do you know that the reason you're in this r'ship isn't because you're holding onto a past of how perfect they were? So you go day-by-day hoping to relive the perfection of them?
You live to create excuses for yourself of their imperfections?
How do you know that you actually like them and not only like the idea of them?

I understand, even the best of lovers go through doubt. But its those times that requires perseverance, a little more tenderness and love...
What if I wasn't given any of this. Is he still worth the weight? worth the time?

Am I the person he's willing to fight for or the many girls that he had let past him by?

Who am I?

Anonymous

Amazing post by an anonymous once again...

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I used to miss you, you know.

used to hold my head in my own loose grip, reciting ammonio methacrylate copolymer, hypromellose, lactose, magnesium stearate...

at night, when the candles in our room blew out and you wouldn't let me relight them, when i stopped in the middle of the good part of every book i ever read, your fingers trailing down my sides in the half-sleep of the sin we shared together, the nights we sweat through relentlessly, the ache we felt insistently - i used to think, quietly - polyethylene glycol 400, povidone, sodium hydroxide, sorbic acid, stearyl alcohol...

and in the cold breath of morning, with the dewy coming of dawn, days after they have lowered you into the ground, after your mother has struggled silently to take in the fresh tracks dotting your arm, after your sister asks me loudly to look at what i've done, i sit with the last cigarette i will ever smoke, thinking - talc, titanium dioxide, and triacetin.

how good these words taste - all the chemicals i need to sleep away a memory, syllables as sweet as the drug they make up - as beautiful as the sound of my breaths, as painless as the shock of your passing, as gripping as the days without you, now; every one of them slow, and dark, and sad.

A Game-Changer

I found this on some random post by another random.

Inspiring... and as girls, we should give this a thought. =) Enjoy.

-

Contrary to popular belief, guys don't all look for that pretty bimbo. Sure, their eyes will linger on her physique for a while longer than others and sure, they may take her home with them but no man would want to give his heart to that stunning bimbo. Believe it or not, men do dream of love much like women do. Their desires for affection are not as openly discussed and therefore they are believed to be none existent but I assure you that this is not true. A man desire's a certain type of girl. A game-changer.

The game changer is a seemingly normal girl that a man might meet at any seemingly normal place. In a coffee shop, at school, shopping for clothes in that vintage store down the street, in your building, even at a bar. A man will often stumble upon the game-changer by chance but will know she is one as soon as he finds her. She'll captivate him immediately and he'll feel like someone has woken him up from a long slumber with a bucket of ice cold water. She'll inspire him, she'll make him grow (not change), and she'll steal his heart away in an instant. She'll make him feel stronger at times, and completely weak at others. She'll terrify him but also give him the courage to be brave. She'll make him want to be a better man; make him want to preform grand gestures out of love. And when she leaves, she'll break him as he has never been broken before. He will then either go two ways: He'll either avoid the game-changers and stick with the pretty bimbo's or he'll vow to find the game-changer that will stay with him, that will let him love her for all of eternity.

The most tragic thing about you game-changers is that you all think of yourselves as "average" when really, you are the most extraordinary creatures to walk the earth. You are beautiful because you have the ability to make someone else beautiful. You are beautiful, because you have the ability to turn a right bastard in a gentleman. You are beautiful, because you change someone's game and, in turn, the course of their life.

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Lots of love,

Miss C

Ps. I will blog again soon, soon, soon. My life is just non-stop chaos