Freeze.

In the heated midst of violence and self inflicted damages, I find comfort knowing that I am untouchable, and though violence is in motion all in front of me I do realize the thousand miles that separates us. My mind screams, 'its the wrong choice', but my words speaks differently. It's not that I lie but an internal war I fight. I don't deserve to be treated this way but I'm confronted that instantly 'You deserve it.' Do I really? After all if you can not accept my wrong doing than leave me in peace, cause I rather that.

Will the haunting past leave with him?

But who are you to judge? You're not superior than me, wiser in age perhaps, but nothing better. I treated you with utmost respect to be yelled and screamed at in return and accused of giving you a reason for your own wrong doing. JUSTIFY THAT.

I know I deserve better than what you give me, I might have been you're little bitch, but how long do you think I can tolerate your shit while others are willing to offer better, more and better than what I think I deserve.

I use to believe you loved me and I still did till two days ago. I didn't know how to let go of someone like you I thought I couldn't find again, but I'm wrong. You've proved me wrong twice, both those reasons are the only reason why I held on and held my arms open to you. Baby you're just human and I thought you were my angel.

So you say you care, do you really give a shit about my state when you bring out past to blast me about? Do you consider my illness, sickness and weakness? Do you consider that I'm currently emotionally unstable? Do you even give a flying shit that you give me more trauma after a whole entire night of tears I've cried, the emotional ride I've been through and my temporary recovery? Is that even a concern to you.

You grind the surface of my fresh wound. Could at least give me some time to heal? Do you even care on nights you call me when I have exams and school the following morning? Do you even consider your own words that you'll support me, how are you going to do that? Yeah I see you're hurting, but do you think I'm not. Cos even if there was something pissing the fuck out of me, I select the appropriate circumstances so that it won't fuck up whatever you doing. Have I ever hinder you from doing something important because some issues I have with you?

What disappoints me the most is the qualities I use to admire bout you have disappeared.

"I will be stronger, wiser and better than what she will ever be" I quote thee.. really so? Babe I wish you the best of luck cause you properly need it, you're not greater than me but if by oppressing me makes you feel a bit better than by all means, but people aren't blind, those that open their eyes can see and judge for themselves and those judge based upon your words are as blind and pathetic as the one that claims it...

Lastly and most importantly, I want to thank ALL that have supported me through this low point in life, thanks for those that have prayed for my father and those that stood by me. I love you all..

But yaaa knowwwww I'm a Hustlerrrrrrrrrr =P

Cynthia