Unstable, unpredictable and insecure. Everything around me seems to have shuffled around; I no longer see clear anymore and I am no longer certain in the decisions I make.
After reading Susan's blog, it really just inspired me to update my blog once again. If you want to know about my days, you can pretty much find out through her blog cause our days pretty much revolve around each others. In case you cannot be bothered to read hers, I'll briefly account my current state of life. School is quite hectic and clearly Year 12 is a pain in the ass as the people who've been through it would know, but it is all coming to an end and fuck am I looking forwards to the holidays and the New Year. Love is no consolation, in fact it is the cause of the chaos and as usual it's complicated, complex, troublesome and difficult to deal with. Family, love them to bits and pieces as usual. Dad's overseas at the moment but will be seeing him soon in the holiday. Friends, they really do "come and go". Selection of friends are vital in the development of one's character. The influences, mindset, morale and the impacts that might seem insignificant are in fact irrefutably powerful. However, there is one thing I came to understand, and that is before I make a judgment on anyone, I should really stand altruistically and look at myself first.
Lately, it seems like the
I've been reflecting on these past days, and it's taken me emotionally to this ambivalent state of mind and the desperation for these commotion to subside is wearing me out.
No matter how much reassurance I am given that this isn't completely my fault, my guilty conscience gnaws on my emotions, feeding on my faults and the consequence leaves me haunted.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, it doesn't mean we will necessary comprehend, understand and accept the 'reason' given.
Life is too short to be lingering on the bitter past, live the moment and create worthy memories, take more photos (it does last longer), smile more because before you realize it's all becomes part of your history that you can't turn back. Forgive but never forget. learn from
I hope the chaos settles soon before the hurt pierce any deeper. Really wish I could be there for comfort.
Ivan, you have supported me unconditionally, and even though some days you are the core reason of my headache and heartache, I love you endlessly.
Jian, Susan, MJ, Kele & the girls, you girls are the best, I don't know what I'll do without you girls helping me with my boy problems and you girls bring FUN to a new level.
The gents, sighs, you guys create so much problems, but thanks for being here for me as well. You guys are fucking awesome.
Lastly for those in my life that is like chiming, like just stay away. Don't flatter yourself when I talk to you I just need my shit off you, you know who you are! Shit mouthing and talking dirty, keep my name out of your mouth you lowie. Anyways I don't hate cause I just don't care.
Long day tomorrow, so I'm gonna start catching up on some school work and head to bed early.
Goodnights m'fellow blog readers,
Cynthia
x
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