This is written from personal experience and judgement. Hence, details of events and emotions expressed are recounted from 1st person perspective and may be inaccurate. Names mentioned are all actual people, unless requested to remain anonymous.
I decided to narrate about my first love in hope to preserve the memories; retell, remember and relive the experience just once more before I put it all behind me. In hope that I will come to revelation and learn from the events that has greatly influenced my life.
-- inc.LOVE --
Chapter Two: Out of Sight, Out of Mind?
He said before I left jokingly, 'make sure u miss me da most wen u go bak to sydney' but that was exactly what I did during my absence from Perth.
Sy was another person I kept as a close friend apart from Ivan, I considered the both as people I could trust and adored, by then Alan Tu had already slipped off my mind. The days back in Sydney remained quite but the occasional catch up sessions laughing about the memories of me playing Counter Strike (CS) for the first time, or the incident where Alan Tu's knife was thrown in the urinal and joking about the disguised black butterflies he noticed beneath my white shorts at the end of a busy week gave me reasons to look forward to the up coming holiday in July. He was one of those type of people, the more you knew the more you wanted to know, in time I grew to love his appealing personality. He knew how to make me laugh on days that were bad, but it was normal for friends to make each other smile, and though the conversation never lasted very long, it was enough.
It probably crossed my mind once or twice after the first trip I met him whether he was attracted to me, but nothing managed to confirm that. It first challenged me when he commented in early March referring me as 'da nicest sweetest prettiest hawtest most gorgeous of all da gurlz' and stating 'i mean all dis fingz ayz so dun fink im lyin or sum shyt lolz', of course I questioned it but soon concluded that it was just flattery words and dismissed it.
I can't exactly remember how it was phrased, but it meant that usually when a person is joking, half of what they joke is the way they feel, by expressing it in a jokingly way, it become a technique to allow articulation of one's true feeling without it becoming vulnerable.
Term 1 finished quietly. A new relationship launched with Josh English in May, just as a new term started, and ever since my conversation with him dried and became irregular.
My time was focused on the drama with the girls in school and outside that accompanied the relationship, not far down the track of the relationship with Josh, we came across an critical interception of path where he was given one chance to prove his worth and importance in my life. Disappointingly, he failed miserably and regretfully. The worst part, was he had an option to make a change, yet he stood their dumb-struck while I fell to the floor helpless.
Call it naive, inexperienced or love, but I forgave Josh and continued the relationship with faith that maybe something beautiful may develop.
Mimi was the first person that I told and I guess it was really fated how she chose to tell Ivan about the incident first. He was the second person to be informed and immediately I received a phone call from him to see whether I was okay. I still remember when I picked up the call, I was just entering the car park into my house from a piano lesson. Even though I haven't heard his voice in nearly half a year I was able to recognize it, it didn't feel foreign, never really did and it's something that has never changed in these years. The way his voice soothes and comforts my insecurities, my fears, my worries and I could hear from his tone that he was affected. He went through the trouble of finding a girl he knew in Sydney to see if she could help, though nothing instigated, I felt he treated me like his very own and I couldn't help to think what a great man he was.
At the quite stage of the friendship, I knew if he was in any sort of difficulty or trouble I would be there for him, this proved right when I found out through friends that he had ran away from home, I instantly felt the urge to contact him and see if he was okay. I contemplated for a while before I called him, preparing for any awkwardness that might occur during an unexpected call, to my surprise, we were far from being uncomfortable and the conversation seemed like we've never stopped between us and my heart settled knowing that he was fine.
The term ended and chaos was resolved, but more then ever I was ready to leave Sydney and escape all the troubles..
-- inc.LOVE --
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