It's been a while since I've come across a song that could be this easily associated to my previous relationship, providing an insight of how I felt and reason to my behavior. I give the song the credits as it is able to articulate the emotions that I wouldn't be able to put into words myself otherwise.
Go on..
You know you want to =P
Click the link. HAHA
You, said it once,
Said it twice,
Said it hurts, but I do it again
I don't change, I don't learn, cause I can't let it end
Said it's gone, let it be, 'cause you don't need a friend
Maybe I do...
I pull and you push and we cry
Till we laugh again I,
Promise you, you promise me back and then why
Does it all fall apart in just a matter of time..
So I'm thinking maybe
You've made up your mind
Cause you're distant
And I can't stand to fight no more
So please don't make me hurt you like I do
I don't really trust myself to leave,
Even thought I hear you sayin' baby no
(no, no, no no no, no no)
I can't take no more of this still
I'm knock, knock, knockin' on your door
Askin if you still let me in
Won't you stay ..
Memories of the fun that we had and photographs on the wall
Now I can't make you smile or hear you laugh anymore
And I can't help or ask, what's the point of it all
Tell me baby..
Call it love, call it blame, call it joy, call it pain,
But I fell, call it boy what you may but it's painful as hell
To be here while you're there don't need nobody else...
If you're so meant for me
And if I'm so meant for you
Why does this have to be so hard on both of us two?
-------------------------♥------------------------
Fighting and fussing, we always feuded over my faults.
I'm rather stubborn and somewhat dominant in where I stood in the relationship.
I was always the one that was too young to care, the immature one, the one making the mistakes, causing the fights and jumping into action before thinking twice about the consequences.
Every time we fight, it rips me up, I feel his pain cause I watch him hurt, but somehow I manage to do it again, regardless how many times he's said not to.
I don't change, I don't learn. I was inLOVE, but I wasn't willing to change, in fear knowing that in order to gain you lose. I wasn't game enough to take the risk.
Life's a gamble, love's a game, are YOU game to deal?
If you knew us, you would know he was always the one that could discipline himself and sacrifice, something I'm still wary of whether I am capable of doing so.
He once told me he didn't need anyone but me, but I felt different, what's life without friends and family so maybe I do. I love him enough to leave them, but I don't want to, they are a part of who I am, all that I am and become. They are the reason he fell in love with me in the first place.
In the heat of arguments, sometimes he would tell me it's all gone...
Let it be, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I didn't want to challenge and fight fate. It's a white lie, I would fight to change my destiny if I knew I didn't want it to end that way. I believed that in the beginning but grew out of it, 'Let it be' was just another way of meaning 'I can't be bothered trying and putting in so much effort', partially because I thought no matter what I'd always be with him.
I guess it didn't matter all that much, because at the end of the day we both have a smile on our faces, laughing and loving.
We would come to a resolution we were both satisfied with, I would promise him I'd try, and he would promise me he'll try not to get so worked up, but it all falls apart in a matter of time, like promises were made to be broken somehow.
After a year of constant dispute, I couldn't stand to fight no more, in the back of my mind I was starting to feel insecure. He didn't give in and apologize like he did before, he didn't take that extra step back so I could compose myself, instead all fights were head on head.
He couldn't cope with my attitude and I couldn't cope so well with his, I didn't want to hurt him anymore, but the rage was overwhelming. He couldn't trust me, I can't blame him, I didn't even trust myself. My head was so muddled, I was so confused, so stirred in all the arguments that I think I lost myself fighting to be myself.
Our original motto was, hand in hand for everything: Him & Me VS. World
So I'm thinking maybe, he's made up his mind. He was someone new, someone distant.
The last verse REALLY relates to how things are currently. Memories, that's all that is left.
Perhaps this chapter of separation is part of our story that is to be continued or perhaps the story has already closed, and we've both started a new one.
I still keep our photographs. Difference is, I can't make him smile anymore and that hurts.
I still hear him laugh and that hurts too because the only time I do hear him laugh is on the phone to another.
Why do I stick around to get hurt, what's the point of this all?
Fights, cold wars, forced silence, why? we're not even together, these days I retreat when I sense a fight coming along. I stick around because I love having him in my life, there is only a point if he still makes me happy, which he does, but what's the point if every time we're connecting, the bad constantly overtakes the good.
Call it whatever it is, it's painful as hell, to be here while he is there.
Sometimes I play dumb but I know exactly where he is, what's his doing, I play along for my own sake because it helps soften any blow that hits me hard.
All in all, it comes back to a few lines that sums everything together, something maybe YOU would like to challenge, something I choose not to challenge today.
If he was so meant for me and I was so meant for him, why does this have to be so hard on both of us? Because I know I have love for him, I know he's got love for me, so why is everything and all we've encountered stopping us from being together. If what we said was true and we were meant to be, then why is it we repel from each other?
Dinner time,
Cynthia
xoxo
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