So let's start of with my day? Technically I don't have a day, I woke up at about 4pm... got out of bed and saw Edmund (My brother, for the people who don't know) home from school already.. So then found some food to eat, then mum made me food, then popped on msn for a while until Ana asked me to go out with her, so being bored and slightly depressed I thought Why not!. So whilst I was getting ready, Mr. Breathless calls me & so we had our conversation & like always put a smile on my face & it appears that he doesn't like my hair short either. Dammit I wanted to get it cut shorter today. But anyway FASTFORWARD I got my nails done, shopped, bumped into friends & headed home. Then at 1am I get another call from Mr. Comfort asking me to come out to eat Kebabs. HAHA x2 ..
HAHA (if you're reading Mr.JT =P) but yeah...
Speaking of Mr.Breathless, I have to share this with you all, it's the best I've heard.
C: What? You going to watch strangers (the movie) before me! GAH!
*: Maybe, but I would rather watch it with you any day
C: Hmmm, actually I don't think anyone would want to watch scary movies with me, cos I tend to get a big grippy & might end up suffocating you LOL ^^"
*: dw, I'm use to you taking my breath away
* - the person I left breathless -aka Mr. Breathless
aiueryoaILSHdoILiawyroawyeh.... ahhhs isn't that SOOO sweet?;
a) No. - Well guess you had to be there at the time
b) Yes. - HAHA x4 NO SHIT!
But that's not the only reason why he's Mr. Breathless, but also because he once dedicated a song asking me "How do I breathe - Mario Barrett" (if you haven't already heard it, it's a song worth downloading). Thus, the breathing difficulty he suffers over and over again gives him the nickname. iJOKE, I am so funny huh! ;]
Anyways, so back to thoughts & regarding the title..
i NEED to redeem myself from the case of the EX So many hard decisions to make & each day I come closer to believing something I've tried so hard to convince myself that woulnd't be a possibility.. yet, each morning (more like afternoon LOL) I wake up more disappointed than the day before...
Mmm, before I continue, immerse into my feelings & K.O I'm gonna go make myself a milk tea & get ready for bed!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Okay, I'm back & its 6:30AM =____= I might as well start another blog.
HAHA but then what difference does it make..
So many people keeping me up tonight!
HAAAA check this: 'Drunken mind speaks a sober heart' quoted by Bonniie.
TEEHEE, I keep sidetracking but anyways...
I know I always wanted him to be happy with or without me, but selfishly, now I don't want him happy unless it was with me.
I haven't heard from him & maybe he is forgetting me, I should let him because I know it's better for us this way, but at the same time I wish he didn't.
I am constantly reminded that it's better he leaves me first because then I can move on without feeling I might be at loss with my decision, 'take this as an opportunity for you to take a step without guilt' and I'm told. It's just not that easy for me cos it's hard to wait around for something that might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when its everything I have ever wanted.
He didn't believe in the love I gave him & after being told, I couldn't help myself to start doubting my love for him.. It's only times like these do I know that the love I had for him was beyond what he felt and what I expected.
Now, my intuition tells me that my significance diminishes in his life by the days that passes by, and though its hard to believe, I find it harder not to believe it.
I am in no rush and so I guess the decision doesn't need to be rushed.
I know in time, truth will inevitably surface and love will prove it's worth.
But even impelled by my conscience, I stand here constrained by the lingering memories left behind by him..
Ah I will continue this blog when I redeem my energy! =D So I leave with this..
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you,
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
So I put my arms around you, around you,
And I know that I'll be leaving soon..
My eyes are on you they're on you.
- Dancing by Elisa
& nOoo I am NOT emo you faggots! Cheer up MY ASS! I'm always happy!
Sun has risen, I smell the MORNING. Time to sleep!
Good Morning to y'all & Goodnight to me,
Cynthia
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